Kakashi's Speaking Problem
by Peepmeow
Summary: Ever heard of the saying The truth shall set you free? That's not the case for Kakashi when Naruto wishes that Kakashi has to say the truth every time he's late!What will happen?Stupidity.[No pairings][Complete!]
1. I wish

A/n: Here is my second fanfic without a notebook. Then again, my stories don't USE notebooks. Before Sasuke left, okay?

Done under the influence of sugar.Cubes. Lots of sugar cubes. About 20.

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Naruto groaned. He remembered Kakashi-sensei's latest excuse for being, well, frankly, late.

'Sorry that I'm late, but I was helping an old lady cross the street.'

"Sorry that I'm late, I blah blah blah. Yeah, right. As if he's actually doing all that." Naruto knew it was foolish to wish, but… his next few words just slipped out.

"I wish Kakashi-sensei would tell us where he was."

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We skip to everyone's favorite bridge. The three were waiting there, as usual.

"Where the HELL is he!"

Just when Naruto said that, a puff of smoke appeared and when it cleared, Kakashi stood there, reading his book.

"Sorry I'm late guys, but-"Kakashi stood there with a thoughtful look in his eyes-I mean eye. He started to talk again. "-I-I-"

"What's wrong Kakashi-sensei?" asked Sakura.

Kakashi tried to answer, but all of a sudden, the truth came out.

"I WAS SLEEPING LATE!"

A cricket chirps in the distance.

"Kakashi-sensei sounds strange when he yells like that." whispered Naruto to Sakura.

Sakura unconsciously nodded.

Kakashi had run off.

'I wonder…'

A/N: Yes, it was short. Yes, most stories get judged by their first chapter. My plot has come open. Buahahahaha. And a small cliffhanger.

Peepmeow


	2. I wonder

A/n: HELLO! I will try to update as much as I can, but I'm slightly sick and stuff so

Koharu Kage: Thank you! I will try to update as much as I can! I've never really heard of that story, but I hope I'm not copying it!

Cookie for you!

pushes Sora (from Kingdom Hearts) forward Do the disclaimer.

Sora: Peep does not own me, or Naruto. But she owns the knowledge of kicking, how to use a knife, and where my head is.

More sugar cubes. I cut down though. About 15. I have not heard Kakashi yell unless you count the times in the anime. But the yell in mine was a little more comical. Yes, I changed the rating because of the language that is going to be used later.

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-Last Chapter-

_Sakura unconsciously nodded._

_Kakashi had run off._

'_I wonder…'_

-New Chapter-

'I wonder if my wish came true?' Naruto shook his head. He was a ninja, and he KNEW that could never happen…Right?

'What happened to Kakashi-sensei?' wondered Sakura. 'Sure, he's always strange, but not in this way…'

Sasuke just took his kunai and went into the woods to train, unnoticed by Naruto AND Sakura. But he didn't take off without thinking twice about it.

'Why is Kakashi-sensei acting like an idiot today?'

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'What the hell happened? I'm not acting normal…' Kakashi asked himself. 'Well, they know how to train themselves..' He wandered into the bathroom to check if his throat was clammy, his eyes were red, etc.

Nothing was wrong. 'Was that a false alarm? I hope so.' He thought nothing else of it for that time and plopped down on the couch to read his book.

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It took a while for Naruto and Sakura to realize they were standing on the bridge. Alone. Without Sasuke or Kakashi. Naruto went to the forest and Sakura jumped off the bridge.(Various chakra training. If you watch the dub, you may not know why she jumped off the bridge.)

We now go to Sasuke, training on that poor dummy that Tenten let him borrow. Poor- I'm going off track.

He was throwing kunai at the 'vital spots' and he was starting to use senbon. Which is kind of strange. He almost died of senbon. Well at least he knows the power.

Naruto, walking in on him, murmered

"Finally, I can train."

Of course, Sasuke took notice of this and ran to the dummy, taking out all of the kunai and senbon.

"What do you want?" he said coolly.

"I want to fight."(You can just imagine this scene…)

A smirk grew (grew?) on Sasuke's face, and he turned around and said

"Alright."

They started about 15 meters away from each other, in a clearing. Sasuke ran over to him and Naruto made 12 Kage Bunshin. Sasuke activated his Sharigan at this time, and he threw 3 kunai at the bunshin. 3 left in a column of smoke. The remaining 9 jumped up at him, 4 at the back, and 5 at the front. They pulled him down and the remaining Naruto took a kunai and put it near his throat.

"Looks like I won, temee(I don't know how to spell it, OK?)" He said(Le gasp! Naruto won! XD)

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A/n: Aw relax about the shortness again. It's like, short, OK? Geez. R&R! Must get at least 2 reviews to continue!


	3. I fight

A/n: The evil-ness is back. I'm sorry about the errors in the story, but Fanfiction(dot)net did it. Cookie time. (Yes. I will be as random as I can.)

Death! Mew? – I'm sorry if it's not your preferred length, and I get the basic idea(basic idea? I'm wondering what I mean about that too.) of what teme means. Thank you for telling me how to spell it.

Koharu Kage – I explained it in my message, that I was brain dead about the movies.

Cookies for you!

By the way, I'm running out of ideas, so unless this chapter ends with a cliffhanger, I might call it complete. Coke-drinking this time.

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(Alas! The meeting bridge again!)

"Kakashi-sensei hasn't been here since last week…I'm starting to worry about him…"said Sakura(Yesh, I hate her profusely, and yet..IN THE PLOT.)

'THAT BAKA BETTER COME SOON OR ELSE!' screamed inner Sakura in all her 'glory'.

Wow. She has the nerve to call her own sensei a baka.

Of course, they had gotten used to their sensei not being there to meet them a little while ago. They were getting bored, and they had not learned anything new for quite a while. So, they went off to train, Naruto jumping off the bridge, Sasuke to the training dummy, and Sakura, well, off to follow Sasuke. Speaking of Kakashi, let's go check on him.

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We check in to Kakashi, sleeping on the bed. Wait, that's not right. I mean… FREAKING OUT IN THE KITCHEN! That's better.

You see, he had just looked at his pots and pans, and saw…Himself. But, he also saw he had gotten paler, his eye was red(of course it is), and his eyes were discolored. Then he got a massive headache(like I do when I scream a lot) and took some aspirin. He put on his ninja gear for no reason whatsoever and took off to the bridge, 5 hours late. Unfortunately, he got there so late the only thing there was bird poo.

"Eh…This is the only thing I find when I'm here…" he thought out loud. "Do they think that I deserted them?"

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Naruto, being the usual Naruto he is, was soaking wet in water, trash, and who knows what. He fell in about 3 times, jumped on the bridge, accidentally fell on the bridge, and the who knows what stung his eyes, made him temporarily blind, and he ran into a trash can.(Try saying that in one breath! I did.dies of oxygen loss)

Sakura, caught three times, a kunai thrown at her 7 times, and senbon thrown at her about 10 times, had gotten fed up. She stomped into the woods, kicked a tree, only to gain a pounding toe, a hurting head, and she was dripping in sweat. Apparently, she broke down and cried.

"The pain… Too much… Head hurts… Sweaty… When's the end of training?" she said in a nervous breakdown.

'Oh wait, Kakashi-sensei is not here, so I can go home any time I like!' And with that thought, she skipped back home, hoping to take a shower.

Sasuke had lost his patience with Sakura around the 1st kunai.

'She's probably sweating to death.' He thought with a smirk. 'Serves her right. The only thing she thinks about is me. Ino is the same.' And he thought no more of it, and just continued to hit the dummy. Of course, it was slightly boring, seeing as the dummy didn't fight back.

"I need a real dummy. Someone like Naruto. He's a dummy.'(Sorry. Urge for bad pun…)

Then he sauntered off after taking out the kunai and senbon.

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A/n – Probably the longest chapter. I'm not sure. I guess this means I'm going to continue the story.. Who knows when it will end? Do you know? Will I stop asking questions with no meaning to you? Nobody. No. Of course not.


	4. I'm Ready, Commence the Battle!

A/n: Trust me, see? I was working on this!

I forgot to do the disclaimer. Here it is:

Disclaimer: Peepmeow does not own Naruto, nor anything affiliated with that. She only owns a TV which to watch the series on.

I just ate 5 sugar cubes. Prepare for the short-and-crappyness!

Cookies!

Naruto4life: Thank you for the good comment! I'll finish it.. Hopefully, it will have at least 7 chapters…

The Rebel Goddess: Kakashi's going to have to suffer the truth. Until the day that I get fed up with so much effort with so little return.

Cookies for you!

I may do a Who's Line Is It Anyway with the Naruto cast…Based on The Violent Tomboy's. I'm doing a High School Musical one for my friend.

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Last Chapter(I forgot to do this too…)

_Then he sauntered off after taking out the kunai and senbon._

This Chapter

Naruto jumped into the river to wash off (No, with his clothes on you perverts.) all the stuff. He came back up onto the bank and dried off.

"I wonder where they are now…." He asked.

If he's wondering, let's go see!

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Kakashi was reading Icha Icha Paradise on the couch, and he was reading it out loud, mumbling the sentences.

'I wonder how they're holding up..' he thought. 'Sasuke must be bored, and Naruto too..'

He went on mumbling the sentences…

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Sasuke was just walking around… walking… and walking…

'I think I saw that tree before!'

Aw forget it. He was lost.

'No matter. I'll just climb a tree until I see the bridge.' So he did. You see, kids, this is why you NEVER get lost in the forest. He had wandered so far off even I didn't know where he is. Haha, let's start again.

He was so lost, he was near the end of the forest. Which is pretty far off, because there is no wall around the forest. Which means he couldn't see the bridge. He climbed to the top of the tree, and he saw a little red speck in the distance.

At least he was still sane.

'There's the bridge.' Jumping across the treetops, (WATCH OUT FOR THE TREE! Sorry, I just felt like it.)Sasuke had gone until he saw an orange figure, meaning: Naruto.

And next to him was the riverbank.

Naruto had fallen asleep next to the tree. Sit-sleeping. When he woke up, guess who he saw on the bridge. Kakashi!

'Nani? Kakashi-sensei?' When he opened his eyes more, he saw Sasuke instead. 'Ah, he arrives.' He assumed his position… and started the Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. 6 jumped up and surrounded the other side of the bridge. The other six, including the real Naruto, surrounded the other side of the bridge. Nobody went into the river because, well, the current was so strong it could pull the whole village of Konahagakure into kingdom come. Care to test it? Yes? Do it later.

(Hic. Hic. Hic. Hic. Cih. Hiccups (hic) suck. (hic.)

One of the bunshins yelled across the river. Naruto heard it and said it aloud in surprise.

"Sasuke is reading something?" When the bunshin called across the river again, Naruto was even more surprised.

"Sasuke's reading-"

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It's a really stupid series with stupid cliffhangers and a stupid plot. That's what make it so fun! Trying to lift my mood up…Failing horribly. I feel like stopping this fanfiction. Ah…

Owari


	5. Itachi's Little Prank

A/n: I'm just gonna go straight to the cookies.

The Rebel Goddess: Yes, thank you for the idea, I will apply that to this chapter.

No hyperness, just my daily dose of insanity. But I don't know much about the Akatsuki, so expect OOC-ness.

Itachi's Little Prank

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Last Chapter-

_One of the bunshins yelled across the river. Naruto heard it and said it aloud in surprise._

"_Sasuke is reading something?" When the bunshin called across the river again, Naruto was even more surprised._

"_Sasuke's reading-_"

Next Chapter-

Itachi was sitting in the den, trying to find out how to knit…

And then a Mary-Sue popped out of nowhere. And I mean she 'popped' through the ceiling. He cast a lazy eye toward her, and got back to the needles. Then Mary-Sue, or Sue as we shall call her, got a stick from one of the nearby bushes and started poking the weasel with it.

"ITACHI-SAMA!" She yelled while doing this. Once again, the eye went towards her, and back to the knitting. He wasn't getting very far.. He was also losing his patience. Finally, he said 2(the 2 words! XD) words:

"Mangekyu Sharingan."(I don't remember how to spell it.. D: ) Sue stood stock-still, and she began to lose consciousness.

"Hmmm," Itachi puzzled over his latest victim. "Maybe I can annoy Kisame with it…She definitely annoyed me." So he told her to get the long, pokey stick and put red cherry juice on it, just for kicks.

Sue arrived at Kisame's room, where Kisame was experimenting to see if his eyes could see his forehead. That's when Sue moved in, and poked Kisame with the stick. The juice slowly spread until it was at his collar, a red mess. The shark looked down, and opened his mouth to say this:

"OH MY GOD I'M BLEEDING SO HARD AHHHHHH! This is weird, I'm not feeling pain. Oh well. AHHHHHHHH!" He screamed while running around in circles. Then she poked his chest, around his diaphragm. "I'M BLEEDING EVEN MORE AHHHHH!" He ran to Itachi, who was back to his needles.

"Damn these things…"He looked at the knitting packet and saw…2 Needles. "I guess those are the needles, not senbon."

"ITACHIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Kisame yelled.

"Whut." Itachi replied uncaringly.

"I'M FRIGGIN BLEEDING TO MY DEATH HERE AND YOU CARE ABOUT STRING!"

The weasel poked his finger on Kisame's robe, and got a liberal amount of 'blood' on his finger. He put the finger in his mouth, followed by a beautiful sound:

"EEEEWWWWWW!1!"

"I's erry uice," Itachi said quietly.

"What'a what what?"

"It's cherry juice."

"…Oh." Kisame said, embarrassed that he had been humiliated.

Just then, Sue clambered out of a bush. Itachi had been 'oh so kind' enough to let her out of the Mange Sharingan for a little bit.

"ITACHI-SAMAAA! MARRY MEEEE!"

Oh, right. About that:

Every year, the Mary-Sues got together to choose who will marry an outer clansman. This year, the unlucky Sue had to marry Itachi. It's so tribal, it's scary.

"No," was the cold answer.

A few very violent minutes later, there was Sue blood all over the walls.

"Did you have to do that?"

"No, all I had to do was say no, and she would return to her clan."

"Then why did you kill her?"

"Because I wanted to.-ㅎㅎㅎ-" (Yes, this means I'm Korean. ASIAN PRIDE MAN! WHOOO!)

OWARI

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I dunno, I think I'll be doing reviewless chapters.. At least I didn't abandon ship.

:D!

Ja,

Peepmeow


	6. Author's Note:5000 Words!

Just a message from the author:

I'll have about 5000 words after this chapter. Making it as concise as possible. I can only have 280 words on this. OK, so clearing this up, this is going to be the second to last chapter of Kakashi's Speaking Problem, then I'm going to work on Dorm Life a bit, maybe make a Fruits Basket fic(oneshot) and then start on Sakura's Sasuke Problem.

The Problem Series is only going to have team 7 in it, so don't complain about a sudden stop in this series.

2 of my fics made it into 4 C2s! The fics are Dorm Life(3) and Kakashi's Speaking Problem(1).

The C2s are:

Kamoku Ai: Shy love

The Perfect Naruto Couple

White Eyes and Misunderstood Souls

(Dorm Life)

And

Naruto's Funnest Stories

(Kakashi's Speaking Problem)

Titles for the Problem Series:

Sakura's Sasuke Problem

Naruto's Ramen Problem

And

Sasuke's Angst Problem

All of them will have different storylines, and Naruto's RP and Sasuke's AP are going to be done after Dorm Life is finished.

Also, thanks to all my reviewers, I will take the time to type all of them:

kenshinlover2002

purple1

angelraine

oztan

For Dorm Life

tap2468

tha one tha only Smurfy

Kairi

ZacEfronLuver

chasingdestiny213

ZacEfronLuver

peachie1st

xXshellyxloveXx

MoonShine101

For High School Musical Randomness(Which was completed today)

Alchemist Neko-chan

The Rebel Goddess

Naruto4life

death! mew?

Koharu Kage

For Kakashi's Speaking Problem.

If I forgot your name up there, tell me by PM and I will thank you there or post your name on my Profile page.

I have 19 more words left. So: I like: Sasuhina, Kingdom Hearts, and Fruits Basket best!

I have 4 words left. Yay 5000!

Ja!

Peepmeow


	7. What Happens

An: Hey guys! Final chapter for this story, Kakashi's Speaking Problem.

This is pretty much what happened that Naruto made a list of when Kakashi stops lying.

Anyway, since nobody apparently reviewed for the Authors Note,5000 words, I'll cookie for the ch 5 reviewer, Alchemist Neko-chan- Thank you and yes, I had updated as soon as I could!

Story!

What Happens…

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'Sasuke,' Thought Naruto, 'is apparently in no mood to fight.' He continued to stare with blazing eyes at the doujinshi (yes, that's what he was reading) reading Sasuke.

'This is what happens when Kakashi stops lying:

Sakura gives up.

(some were not included, but Naruto saw them later, deal with that!)

Ino runs away.

Hinata swears.

I walk away from a fight.

Asuma(o, whichever one is correct) stops smoking.

Orochimaru becomes straight (Yay!).

Itachi laughs.( I don't know if he does so in the anime.)

Kabuto quits and makes 1000 paper cranes.

Deidera cuts his hair.. is he a she? ( Naruto's thought)

Hiashi says sorry to Hinata.

Neji becomes a member of the Main family.

Hanabi becomes weaker than Hinata (Which, we Hinata fans know, she always has been)

You guys, the readers, get free cable.

So, I guess, it's better…' Naruto mused, ' if Kakashi-sensei stays a, no matter how bad, liar.'

"I unwish my wish."

A few weeks later, they were all back to their normal, morbid, ninja-ish, morbid, kunai-throwing, did I mention morbid and bloodthirsty?(All except Hinata. All hail Hinata!)

So.. Yeah. That's the end of this story.

I hope you enjoyed this lesson.

"WHAT LESSON!"

I'm out.

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I wonder… Who is the person telling the story? Why am I cursed with this Tomato thrower? Who am I? Who are you? Where am I? WHAT IN THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE!

Anyway,

I finished. Oy.

Ja!

Peepmeow


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